Tag Archive - Plan B

Moving Forward

July 8, 2010 in Faith, Life, My Story with 25 Comments

Over the past few months since I started blogging again, I think I’ve been pretty open and transparent about my story and this season in particular.  From sharing my story publicly for the for the first time, talking very frankly about coming face to face with my pride and entitlement while embracing this next chapter of life, to discussing the condition of my heart that led me to this point… I’ve pretty much put it out there. Each post has been increasingly difficult to write, largely because I’m still walking it out.  My story has not yet resolved and I still grapple with what that looks like every single day.

I’ll be writing more about this concept very soon, but it all comes down to this… my heart needed a detox.  I had become intoxicated with career, high on image, and sick with success.  As I’ve shared before, once I became aware of the condition of my heart, I very quickly wanted absolutely nothing to do with my career in the music industry.  I wanted out as quick as possible, and out I got.

I do want to be clear about one thing: while every industry struggles with its own varying degrees of dysfunction, the place I ended up had very little to do with the industry I worked in and everything to do with what I looked to it for.  The industry didn’t wear my heart out.  I wore my own heart out by leaning into my career and work in the industry, looking for it to define and give me worth and identity… something it is ultimately ill-equipped to do.

For most of the past 6 months, the very thought of going back into the music business has almost given me anxiety. I was afraid of it. I wasn’t afraid of the “big, bad industry”, but rather of the “big, bad me” who I became in trying to find who I was in the context of the industry. I was afraid of becoming “that guy” again.

After recently sharing this with some close friends, I was challenged to understand that my reluctance to even consider reentering the industry was entirely a fear-based decision.  I realized that if I choose to live out of a fear-based approach to life, that is actually unbelief in the work God is doing in my heart. My fear to move forward in my career was based on leaning on my own ability to not become “that guy” again, rather than leaning on God’s strength and power to mold and shape my heart daily.  My decision and reluctance may appear noble, but it is nothing but reliance on self instead of the work of the cross in my life. That was a pretty sobering realization.

In his book, Counterfeit Gods, Tim Keller uses the context of human love to paint a striking picture of the way idolatry deceives our hearts:

If you are so afraid of love that you cannot have it, you are just as enslaved as those who must have it. If you are too afraid of love or too enamored with it, it has assumed God-like power, distorting your perceptions in your life.

Dang.

That’s real talk. While Keller may have been talking about human love, the same principle was certainly at work in my life as I went from being too enamored to being afraid in a matter of days.  Thinking that walking away was enough, I failed to see that living in fear of something is just as controlling and idolatrous as living in adulation of it.

I suppose the best way to sum up where I am right now is to say that after months of wondering what was next for me, running from the “monster”, trying to get jobs in anything BUT the music world, my heart has finally turned a pretty significant page.

I’m not afraid anymore.

So now you may be asking, what does that mean, exactly?

It means I have finally found a place of peace with regard to what my heart thought it had to have and what it then was terrified to have.
It means whether I ever have it again or not, I’m not afraid of having it.
It means I know what defines me and what doesn’t.
It means if I do ever have it again, I’m not afraid of IT having ME.
It means I am moving forward.

Does that mean I’m taking a job back in the music world?  I don’t know.  At this moment there aren’t any jobs on the table to talk about.  However, what it does mean is that whether I ever take another music job or not, I’m no longer afraid of what that might mean if it did happen.

If I believe 1 John 4:8…

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

… and if I believe Hebrews 12:6…

“The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

… then I have to believe that God allowed the bottom to fall out of my world because He loves me and wants to realign and awaken my heart to who He is.

In his book, Plan B, Pete Wilson says:

God will allow suffering, pain and crisis in order to detach hope from other things and attach it to himself.

That is 100% what has been happening in my life. Does that mean the struggle is over? Absolutely not. But it does mean I am more equipped to navigate the murky waters of my heart every single day that I wake up.

I’ve loved this song for a long time, but it has recently taken on even greater meaning in my life…

Israel Houghton - Moving Forward
You make all things new, and I will follow You forward…

Is there something in your life you need to move forward past?

 

BOOK REVIEW: Plan B by Pete Wilson

May 4, 2010 in Books, Faith with 23 Comments

Have you ever had a dream shattered? Been disappointed? Had your hopes dashed?  Had more questions than answers?  Had to let go of your plans? Had the bottom fall out of your life?  Had a broken heart?  Of course you have. You know how I know? Because the blood is running warm in your veins.  First time author and Nashville, TN area pastor Pete Wilson has just released his first book, “Plan B” (Thomas Nelson) and he has a message for you: “you are not alone!”

I’m going to be honest with you. I read much of “Plan B” through tears.  I’ve shared various parts of my story here over the past couple months, and it would be an understatement to say that I am right in the center of my own “Plan B” situation. As I have been walking out my own “Plan B”, learning to let go of my plans and dreams for myself and embrace the story God is writing for me, I have wrestled hard with the questions… “why”, “when”, “how”, “what if”, “why not”, “now what”, etc.  If it were possible for a book to be a life soundtrack, “Plan B” would be mine.  If that sounds like I’m telling your story, then this book is for you.

Reading “Plan B” has been at times confirmation, at times cathartic and at other times a road map.  There were moments when I felt like it was a checklist, where I could look back at the milestones in my own journey and match them to the heart-process Pete described in the book.  Other moments, it was such a release for my heart, giving me permission to feel the way I feel and understand that the way I feel doesn’t intimidate God.  Then there were moments when I re-read, highlighted and collected wisdom like a squirrel gathering nuts for the winter, knowing that I would need it again very soon.

Pete’s conversational tone and writing style make you feel like you’re just talking with a good friend about working through the nuts and bolts of life.  When he talks, in chapter 6, about how “our faith must rest on God’s identity and not necessarily his activity”, it challenged me to look back over my life and remember the times when my heart was so swayed by what I thought God should be doing instead of being anchored in who God is. Ultimately, our “Plan B” is most often actually God’s “Plan A”, once He has dealt with our expectations and entitlement… what we think we deserve.

Is it possible you don’t really want God? Is it possible you just want what you think God can give you?

I’ve seen some criticism of “Plan B”, stating that while the book boldly poses a lofty question, “What do you do when God doesn’t show up the way you thought He would?”, it doesn’t deliver when it’s time for the answer.  I take issue what that argument and propose that perhaps a significant misstep of much of today’s Christianity is that when it comes to offering answers, it often over-promises but under-delivers.  Life is not full of answers, and neither is faith.  But you know what both ARE full of?  Questions.

Is it possible that we have become so accustomed to the bait-and-switch of modern evangelicalism, where the false promise of answers are dangled like a carrot before the cross, that we are afraid of actually living with the questions? Have we been so long seduced by 3-piece suit-wearing, name-it-and-claim-it Jesus pitch-men who write checks with their words that life can’t cash that our hearts are unable to fathom a God who is to be found in the balance… in the tension… in the questions?

In one of my favorite quotes from “Plan B”, Pete addresses this, saying:

Instead of an answer, God offers us something better. He offers us a solution. He offers us the cross.

While Pete reassures us of the finality of the cross as the ultimate solution, he also honestly confesses that does not relieve us, as believers, of both the opportunity and obligation to live by faith… to live with the questions.

Even as I write this and “Plan B” hits store shelves, Nashville has been hit with a historic flood that has left many people homeless, displaced, grasping for hope, asking the hard questions, suddenly and unexpectedly living their own “Plan B”.

You won’t find “5 steps to your breakthrough” or “12 ways to successful living” here. But what you will find is someone who is confident that God sits on the throne, but who also isn’t afraid to say that sometimes life still just sucks.  Is “Plan B” going to give you your answers?  Maybe not.  But it will give you permission to ask the questions.  And sometimes, that’s all your heart needs.

 

God Of This City

May 3, 2010 in Culture, Faith, Life with 12 Comments

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I live in Nashville, where we are experiencing a natural disaster of historic proportions.  We received  more rain in 2 days than Nashville historically has seen in all of May… which produced massive widespread flooding unlike anything this town has ever seen. Homes by the hundreds (if not thousands), popular attractions and landmarks and entire parts of the city are buried under water.  Historic downtown Franklin… the Gaylord Opryland hotel… scenic Bellevue… downtown Nashville… the Grand Ole Opry…  entire interstates… completely flooded. (photo courtesy of Kelsey Wynn)

The steady stream of live news, Twitpics, videos, images and media over the past 48 hours have been almost numbing.  But there is no time to be numb, because there is loss, devastation and people who need help just about everywhere you look.  I am grateful that I did not experience any personal loss, but my heart is just broken for the many who lost so much.

You can really never explain away the pain caused by this kind of destruction.  It is a sobering reminder that we are not really in control as much as we like to think we are.  In his new book, “Plan B”, Pete Wilson talks about the illusion of control, saying “the greatest of all illusions is the illusion of control.” I don’t know if I have ever personally witnessed a greater example of that in my life than right now.

Stories of complete destruction are being written all over Nashville.  But in the midst of the chaos and hopelessness, other stories are also being written… stories of redemption and restoration… stories of community… stories of survival… stories of hope.

All day today, the song “God Of This City” has been running through my head.  As I watch the constant twitter stream of images and damage reports, I find my heart singing…

You’re the God of this City
You’re the King of these people
You’re the Lord of this nation
You are

As I watch the news reports that the Cumberland river is continuing to rise even at this very moment, and people all over this city grasp for hope and ask “what now?” while others ask “how can I help?”, I’m singing…

You’re the Light in this darkness
You’re the Hope to the hopeless
You’re the Peace to the restless
You are

But as the waters continue to rise, they do not rise alone.  I cannot escape an overwhelming sense of hope that is also rising, as this city reaches out to each other, becoming the hands and feet of Jesus to the broken.  I do not pretend to know or understand what God is doing or how He is working.  But I’ll tell you what I do know… a song is also rising…

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this city

There is no one like our God.

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Learning How To Die

April 22, 2010 in Faith, Life, My Story with 55 Comments

Yesterday was a hard day.

If you’ve read my story, then you should be fairly up to speed on where I’m at in my life right now.  If you haven’t, then you should go do that before proceeding so you’ll have some context for what I’m about to say.

When I shared my story on Justin & Trisha’s blog a couple weeks ago, I talked about how I’ve walked away from the career I’ve pursued for the past 8 years and have been looking for a job.  Well, after a couple months of looking, I finally got a job on Tuesday and started yesterday.

I want to be very clear and make sure I convey that I am very grateful to now have employment and some income. I am more thankful than you may understand.  At the same time, and in the context of the journey I’ve been documenting here on my blog, I also want to be very honest. So here goes…

When I got the call Tuesday afternoon and was officially hired, I was hit with a barrage of emotions.  I felt a little relieved, kind of excited and I also hated it… all at the same time.   Applying for a job you never really saw yourself doing is one thing.  GETTING said job is an entirely different thing.  “So, this is it,” I thought to myself. “Now what?”  I was all over the emotional map, and it sucked.  I could barely feel excited to actually have a job before I felt punched in the gut and if I may be perfectly honest with you, it hurt like hell.

At Cross Point right now, Pete Wilson is teaching a series on “Shattered Dreams” that is a companion to his forthcoming book “Plan B”.  The crux of the “Plan B”/Shattered Dreams concept is “What do you do when God doesn’t show up the way you thought He would?”

This past Sunday Pete was talking about Joseph and all that happened to him on his journey from ostracized, rejected dreamer to the most powerful man in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh.  One of the points he made that stuck out to me the most was “the value in your shattered dream is more about who you’re becoming than where you’re going.” The fact that Joseph eventually landed in a position of great influence, authority and leadership was a distant second to who he had become as a result of his life experiences, challenges and opportunities, all of which prepared him for said influence, authority and leadership.  The destination is always trumped by the preparation.

I had to remind myself of that many times yesterday, my first day on my new job.  The place that hired me isn’t one of the places I looked at first, second or third… it isn’t one of the places I was sure was a “good fit” for me or seemed like “the next thing.” Let me be clear and say there is NOTHING WRONG with the place that hired me. In fact, I’m sure I’ll enjoy working there.  It just WASN’T IN MY PLANS.  It felt like 2 + 2 = 30… it didn’t add up.

To be honest with you, I STRUGGLED yesterday.

I STRUGGLED with my Plan B…

I STRUGGLED with feeling like I had been sidelined…

I STRUGGLED with feeling like maybe I made the wrong decision…

I STRUGGLED with feeling like, “this is not what I came here for 8 years ago…”

Pretty much the entire time I was at work I felt like I was on the verge of breaking down. I prayed that I wouldn’t see anyone I knew… not today… not this day.  I felt like a fish out of water and didn’t want anyone to catch me out of “my element.”  Truth is, I’m not sure I even know what “my element” is anymore.

I’ve been on a journey to arrest and evict this pride and entitlement from my heart, but I found out yesterday that they are not going quietly. In fact, they are planting their heels, grabbing the door frames and kicking and screaming the entire way.

After work, I texted a close friend and told him how I felt. He replied saying, “He is after your heart”… a reminder I had given the same friend less than a week prior.  It was a reminder I needed.  It’s not about where I am… it’s about the posture and pursuit of my heart while I’m there.  Looking at so many stories throughout the Bible, I am reminded that where I am at any given moment or season of life is probably exactly where I am supposed to be. There is value in every moment… sometimes it just looks different than what I would call “valuable.”

I have no idea where all this is going… none… ZERO… ZILCH.  But I do remember Joseph, and I remember all the character-building and shaping moments that defined him more than any position he ever held.  I remember that the value of this moment in my life is in who I am becoming, not where I am going.  I remember 2 Corinthians 4:16…

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

This morning, I still have unanswered questions, yet I still trust… I still trust that God is writing a better story for me than I could ever write for myself… unexpected plot twists and all. I’m learning to embrace that story, and some days it is easier than others.

I’m learning how to let go… I’m learning how to embrace… I’m learning how to unlearn and rethink…

I’m learning how to die…

Anybody else?