Tag Archive - finances

The Strength Of My Heart

**At Cross Point, we just started a new series called “Be Rich” and Pete Wilson’s message yesterday, “Who’s Rich”, really struck a chord with me, convicted me on several levels and brought to mind this blog I wrote over 3 months ago when I first started blogging again.  So, for all you Cross Pointer’s, this may be especially timely. For everyone else, I’m sure there’s something here for you too.
“I’ve got faith in the bank and money in my heart” (Derek Webb, lyrics from “I Want A Broken Heart”)

This particular season of my life I’m walking through has been full of all kinds of challenges and opportunities to choose to walk by faith, not by what I see.  One such opportunity is in the area of finances.

The details aren’t important, but suffice it to say that this has been a real stretching period for me.  Recently, I received a couple checks that I was not expecting at that time.  It was a huge blessing, to say the least.  The money came just in time and I was able to take care of some things that I needed to.  I was able to briefly exhale a little bit, and it felt good.

Later that same day, it dawned on me that not only was I feeling pretty good about receiving this money, but I was actually feeling a bit too good about it.  In fact, it occurred to me that getting this money had actually affected my heart response to this season I’m walking through. Yes, I was thankful to God for providing what I needed, but I quickly realized that the response in my emotions was not because I knew Christ was the unequivocal anchoring hope for my heart, but it was because of this little bit of money.

In a flash, I had allowed my heart to find strength in a few dollars. I felt so convicted. This ‘idol heart’ thing is no joke.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire beside you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Psalm 73:25-26

I have been working on being very intentional about focusing on Psalm 73:25-26 and reminding myself that God is the strength of my heart, not any amount of money.  It is dangerous to lean into anything other than Christ for any degree of hope, security or identity.

I’ve been meditating on God being more than just Jehovah-Jireh my provider, but Jesus the Christ, my provision.  He is more than my rent-payer, my grocery-buyer or the solution to any problem that can be solved with a Paypal transaction.  He is the ultimate, eternal provision for a debt that no American Express Black card could pay… a life separated from Him by sin.  More than I need my electric bill paid, I need a savior, a redeemer for my soul.  If He alone does not anchor my heart, I’m in trouble.

My soul finds rest in God alone: my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock…I will never be shaken. Psalm 62:1

Anything else that my heart finds hope or strength in is an impostor, a counterfeit god that needs to be evicted.  God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Truth is, I can get, earn, save, and invest all I want, but I’ll never squeeze an ounce of peace out of it. (totally swiped that from Pete’s blog)

In his message yesterday, Pete Wilson asked us to consider this question:

“Which of these statements creates the most anxiety for you: There is no God or there is no money in the bank?

Wow. Selah.

Have you caught yourself finding more hope and strength in what God gives rather than who God actually is?



 

This Guy

It is 5:17am and I cannot sleep. Ugh.

As I’ve been walking out this life/heart overhaul journey, the past 4 months in particular, I have been learning a LOT about myself and what my heart is prone to reach for and bow to when the heat is on.  I’m going to be honest with you.  When the end of the month rolls around, I find myself getting nervous, not sure how it’s all going to come together, not sure if I’ll be able to pay my rent, worrying about finances.  These end-of-month times are a reminder to me that I haven’t yet let go of as much as I sometimes think I have.  It’s a reminder to me that I’m still looking around me, trying to figure out how to make it happen, instead of looking up and fully trusting that God is going to take care of me.

I STRUGGLE with that.

There are several times in this season when I’ve had to ask friends for help, sometimes even to take care of the smallest things.  And I have HATED it.  Each time, it has been preceded by a fierce battle with my pride.  I know I have people in my life who love me, and who are more than willing to do whatever they can to help.  But the truth is, in my heart, I’m so afraid of being “that guy.”

You know “that guy”…

“That guy” who never has it together…
“That guy” who always needs something…
“That guy” is always asking for something…
“That guy” who can never seem to make it work…

Oh my God, how my pride has kicked and screamed.  It’s almost like taking the ring from Gollum. (If you haven’t seen or read Lord Of The Rings you won’t get that reference). My heart has battled within itself over my reality versus what I want to portray as my reality.  There is a scene in Lord Of The Rings where Gollum fights the internal war between what his pride tells him (which is not true) and what he knows is the truth.  It is a nasty, schizophrenic battle.  I know I’m not the only one who watches that and knows exactly what it feels like to fight that battle.

My heart loves to glory in the image of not being “that guy”.  Yes… “we wants it… we needs it… my precious…”

I told a friend yesterday that I am realizing the implications of my pride in this area.  I’m learning that there is really nothing that separates me from “that guy”, and who am I to think I’m better than being perceived as “that guy.”  Sometimes the only thing separating us from “that guy” is a phone call… a decision… a layoff… a divorce… just… life.

The truth is, I AM “THAT GUY”…

I am “that guy” who still doesn’t know what it looks like to really trust God for what he needs…
I am “that guy” who feels like asking for help means I’m not trusting God…
I am “that guy” who doesn’t want you to think I am “that guy”…
I am “that guy” who lets his pride win but his heart lose…

But…

I am also “that guy” who is a son of God (Romans 8:15)…
I am also “that guy” who is the righteousness of God (2 Corinthians 5:21)…
I am also “that guy” who has God’s power working in me (Ephesians 3:20)…
I am also “that guy” who is never separated from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39)…

What has two thumbs and needs a healer for his heart in the worst way? THIS GUY.

Are you “that guy”?