Tag Archive - fear

Album Review: Kirk Franklin’s “Hello, Fear” + CD & Concert Ticket Giveaway

March 22, 2011 in Giveaways, Music with 15 Comments

To celebrate the release of “Hello, Fear”, I’m giving away 5 copies of the CD and one pair of tickets to see Kirk Franklin & Steve Harvey LIVE in Nashville on April 9! Check out my review of  “Hello, Fear” below, followed by info on how you can enter to win!

I’ve been a fan of Kirk Franklin’s music since 1993. When I had to special-order his debut album, Kirk Franklin & The Family, at my local Musicland store because they didn’t stock it, I had absolutely no idea that 12 years later he would be my boss.

Working closely with Kirk for 3 years was undoubtedly a high point of my 8-years in the music business. That season shaped me in many ways and forever changed the way I heard a Kirk Franklin album.  Having been in the heat of the action while both 2005’s Hero and 2007’s The Fight Of My Life were being created and brought to life and having a first-hand understanding of Kirk’s approach to his music, listening to his new album is a really unique and special experience for me.

First, Kirk Franklin album releases are events, and rightfully so.  In the midst of a fickle singles market where the tide of many an artist’s career rises on falls based on the flavor-of-the-month sound, Kirk has remained an artist who doesn’t simply write songs, but rather crafts albums. His albums are experiences, designed to take you on a journey, meticulously brushing personal lyrics and intricate melodies across a lush musical canvas; sometimes in broad strokes, other times with diminutive detail, but always intentional. Best of all, Kirk will quickly defer to God as the ultimate artist, simply using his pen to tell His story and reveal His glory.

Just as his last few albums have been, the body of work that is “Hello, Fear” is a snapshot of a moment in time that allows Kirk to be very transparent about his life and heart, which never fails to resonate with listeners the world over.

A break-up song to end all break-up songs, the opening title track issues a deceptively sweet “to the left, to the left” to the spirit of fear.  “Never again will I love you, my heart it refuses to be your home…” the singers flawlessly deliver in the chorus.  Following a powerful spoken-word piece detailing “The Story Of Fear” in Kirk’s life, “Before I Die” comes out swinging, horns blazing, percussion percolating DC “go-go” style and boldly declaring:

“I used to be afraid to die, I used to be afraid to try, ’cause I was too afraid of knowing what the end looked like, but the Son came to give me life, now I feel like I can touch the sky…”

Just as a specific musical composition is used to reinforce a central plot or theme in a film, on the intimate “But The Blood” we are introduced to what quickly becomes an overarching theme of this project via the lyrics, “Now we are never alone, your blood it makes us strong, now there is power to move on.” This powerful lyric and melody are reprised on no less than 4 of the album’s tracks, reinforcing the theme that our ultimate victory over fear truly is “by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.” (Revelation 12:1).

The album’s first single, “I Smile”, is a standout, as are the bouncing “A God Like You”, the lyrically masterful “I Am”, the seemingly freestyle yet intimately fashioned worship of “The Moment #1” and “The Moment #2” and the anthem-like “Today”.  For me though, the centerpiece of “Hello, Fear” is “Everyone Hurts”, a stunning ballad with its finger on the pulse of the human condition. Over a 808-anchored track laced with emotive B-3, strings and synths, the song builds to an epic intercessory plea for divine intervention.

“So tonight, we cry out for the world, cry out for the world, ‘cause everyone hurts, everyone goes through sorrow…”

Repeat.

“Hello, Fear” is a brilliant collection of songs teeming with life, certain to empower listeners to face their fears head-on with courage, strength and hope in Christ. From the lyrics and crisp production to the stellar musicianship and strong ministry focus, it is a Kirk Franklin masterpiece and another hallmark moment in an exceptional catalog of music that has touched millions around the world. Hello, Fear.

“Hello, Fear” is available for purchase in stores and online everywhere today, and to celebrate its release, I’m partnering with Verity Gospel & Fo Yo Soul Entertainment to giveaway 5 copies of “Hello, Fear” to AnIdolHeart.com readers!

In addition, I’m also giving away one pair of tickets to see Kirk Franklin & comedian Steve Harvey LIVE in Nashville on April 9 at the Comedy Gospel Tour!

This giveaway has ended. The winners are listed here. Stay tuned for more giveaways coming soon!


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The Space Between

August 10, 2010 in Faith with 15 Comments

For some reason, I’ve been having the worst time trying to get my thoughts out as words on my screen lately. It seems like every time I set aside some time to write, I hit all kinds of walls. Not sure what that’s about, but it’s kind of frustrating. So this morning, I didn’t try to write. Instead, I read.

After a conversation with a friend about life, transition and fear last night, I woke up this morning praying for them and reading the account in Matthew 14 where Jesus called Peter to step out of the boat and walk on water.

On one hand the story starts in verse 22 when Jesus told the disciples to go get in the boat and go “to the other side.” However, greater context would reveal that this happened immediately after one of Jesus’ greatest miracles, where he fed the multitudes with just 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. Right after Jesus’ boys witnessed and experienced this amazing display of His power and provision, He told them to go somewhere else. It’s important for me to understand that they didn’t just witness this happen, but I’m sure they got them a fish sandwich, too. Yes they saw, but they also ate.  Part of what He did hit their eyes, part of it hit their belly. Part of it encouraged them, part of it nourished them. Then Jesus said, “go”, while He went somewhere else.

In verse 22 He tells them to go, but by verse 24 we find the disciples in the boat “a long way from the land, beaten by the waves.” Yeah, in the span of 2 verses. Verse 23 tells us that after Jesus dismissed the crowds, He went to pray in the mountains, alone. But what it DOESN’T tell us is the progression from the disciples first stepping in the boat to “a long way from the land.” Next thing we know, it’s all “beaten by the waves!”

With how my mind works and processes context and story, I can’t help but wonder: what happened in the middle?  When did the water first start to get choppy? Did they think, “sho’ do wish we could go back and have another fish sandwich!”? What was their response as the storm escalated? Did they wonder where Jesus was?  Did they think He had left them? Did they feel abandoned?  Sure, they had just seen Jesus, and were sure they would see Him again, but where was He right now… in the middle?

Of course we all know the part of the story where Jesus finally did appear and called for Peter to step out of the boat and come to him, which would mean walking on water. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how Peter was so brave for stepping out of the boat while all those other jokers sat there, and how the boat represents a place of comfort and that Peter was the only one willing to risk his comfort to pursue Jesus in that moment. I think there’s some validity to some of that, but let’s be honest here… there was a freaking storm happening! The boat was ANYTHING but comfortable.

I’m more inclined to see the shore as the place of comfort in this story. Sure, there was a vital lesson in faith and trust learned in the midst of the storm, but I wonder if we miss understanding that Peter could have never walked on stormy waters while still on the shore. The boat brought him to a moment and positioned him to experience a greater level of trust in Jesus. He had no clue what would happen next, only that he heard and saw Jesus.  I have come to understand how God works and shapes our heart in the space between… the space between miracles… the space between shores… the space between life seasons… the space between answers… the space between what you know and where you’ll go.

I have experienced this first hand many times in my life.

In those “space between” moments, I have often been afraid, but I have never been unchanged.

As I have previously observed about transitions, they are often uncertain and exhausting, breathless and exhilarating all at the same time.  I believe the fear that we often fight is actually meant to be fuel for our faith.  The space between may find you reaching and wondering, hoping and grasping, but it will never leave you the same.

What have you learned in the “space between” times in your life?

 

Belief, Emersion & Stretchy Pants

July 20, 2010 in Faith, My Story with 16 Comments

Sunday I made a decision I had been wrestling with for awhile.

Back story: I was baptized at the age of 11, during a revival at the church I grew up in.  All the kids around my age were getting baptized and “saved” (which brings up theological issues that I don’t have the desire or patience to unpack here) around this time.  While I don’t necessarily question my 11-year old sincerity at the time, I have often questioned my understanding of what exactly it was that I was doing.  I had been in church all of my short 11 years and while I knew “church” very well and had been inundated with all degrees of religiosity, legalism and opinions and personal preferences sold as “doctrine”, I know for a fact that I did not know or “get” the Gospel.

In the denomination I grew up in, salvation wasn’t presented as by grace, through faith (Ephesians 2:8) in Christ ALONE, but rather it was sold as a proverbial “get out of hell, free” card.  The salvation I grew up understanding and embracing wasn’t based on the cross, but rather on my ability to follow the formula, be good enough and adhere to enough rules that I would be acceptable to God which, from my experience, resulted in a whole lot of arrogance, self-righteousness and spiritual pride. THAT’S certainly not going to be a popular statement, but it is my story, nonetheless.

Looking back over my journey in the 23 years or so since then, I’ve gotten a lot of perspective and had a lot of time to think about what all that meant.  Do I believe that I was “saved” to the greatest extent of my ignorance at that time? Yes. Do I still hold that experience as being sufficient and definitive of what it means to be a Christ follower in my life today? No.

A few months ago, someone asked me a question that is not all that uncommon in Christian circles, especially when you’re first getting to know someone.

“How long have you been a believer?”

My reply: “that’s a loaded question.” At that time, I was right in the middle of this whole season where Jesus was showing me my heart and subsequently wrecking it.  Through a series of events which I have discussed quite candidly here, as well as some I haven’t talked about yet, my life had been wrecked and I understood, quite possibly for the first time in my life, exactly why I needed a savior.  When I was asked that question, I realized that on one hand I had been a believer since 11 years old, but on another hand, and more importantly, perhaps only a few months.  Over the course of the previous few months, the Gospel had dawned on me and I understood it in a way I never had before.  Sure, I had “believed”, but NEVER like this. I realized that Christ’s goal wasn’t for me to stop going to the movies, wearing shorts or listening to rock music (don’t get me started), but rather to intentionally, passionately, relentlessly apprehend my heart.

Last week, Pete Wilson sent a tweet that said:

The pain of self-awareness can be the beginning of spiritual transformation. Stop dodging yourself.

If ever there was a statement to encapsulate the past several years of my life, it was that one.  All the painful and heart-wrenching months that had led up to right now were also transforming me in ways I could see and some I can’t yet. And yes, I had been religiously and methodically dodging coming face to face with myself for so long.  When it finally happened, it undid and changed me.

All of that leads up to the present. For the past couple months I’ve been contemplating and wrestling with the idea of getting baptized again.  I wanted to do it to mark this particular moment of my life in a public way and to say to God, “I am doing THIS, with understanding and gratitude of what You did and are doing.”  So why was I wrestling with it?  It’s simple. Pride. I was so afraid of what people might think, possibly not knowing my story, wondering why I’m JUST getting baptized, etc. I mean, SURELY, by 35 years old… I’ve already done THAT! God forbid anyone think I’m not who they perceived me to be!!! #pridesucks #faithfail

I wrestled with it for weeks, discussed it with some close friends but eventually talked myself out of it, though in my heart I knew I really wanted to do it. I knew that Baptism Sunday was coming up at Cross Point, but I just couldn’t bring myself to commit and follow through.  I woke up this past Sunday morning a little upset with myself that I couldn’t seem to move forward past this stupid pride and fear and just do it.

As I was sitting in the 10am service, Blake Bergstrom brought a powerful message about the love of the Father, His passionate pursuit of our heart and jealousy for our affection… a theme I’ve recently been stuck on and blogged about.  As the message ended, the worship team started to lead “How He Loves”. As soon as I heard them sing “He is jealous for me…”, I broke and knew today was the day.  While I stood there and worshipped God, watching others be baptized, I decided that I would kick the pride and just do it. TODAY.

After the 10am service I shared with Blake what I wanted to do and why. I stayed for the 11:30 service and when it was time, I took the step, moved past my fear and stepped into the water with an understanding of what this meant and was baptized.  I am proud to say that no stretchy pants were used in my baptism.

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. (Romans 6:4)

I did it for me. I did it for my heart. I did it to publicly identify myself with the death and resurrection of Christ and what that means in my life every single day.

What is your fear or pride holding you back from?

 

Moving Forward

July 8, 2010 in Faith, Life, My Story with 25 Comments

Over the past few months since I started blogging again, I think I’ve been pretty open and transparent about my story and this season in particular.  From sharing my story publicly for the for the first time, talking very frankly about coming face to face with my pride and entitlement while embracing this next chapter of life, to discussing the condition of my heart that led me to this point… I’ve pretty much put it out there. Each post has been increasingly difficult to write, largely because I’m still walking it out.  My story has not yet resolved and I still grapple with what that looks like every single day.

I’ll be writing more about this concept very soon, but it all comes down to this… my heart needed a detox.  I had become intoxicated with career, high on image, and sick with success.  As I’ve shared before, once I became aware of the condition of my heart, I very quickly wanted absolutely nothing to do with my career in the music industry.  I wanted out as quick as possible, and out I got.

I do want to be clear about one thing: while every industry struggles with its own varying degrees of dysfunction, the place I ended up had very little to do with the industry I worked in and everything to do with what I looked to it for.  The industry didn’t wear my heart out.  I wore my own heart out by leaning into my career and work in the industry, looking for it to define and give me worth and identity… something it is ultimately ill-equipped to do.

For most of the past 6 months, the very thought of going back into the music business has almost given me anxiety. I was afraid of it. I wasn’t afraid of the “big, bad industry”, but rather of the “big, bad me” who I became in trying to find who I was in the context of the industry. I was afraid of becoming “that guy” again.

After recently sharing this with some close friends, I was challenged to understand that my reluctance to even consider reentering the industry was entirely a fear-based decision.  I realized that if I choose to live out of a fear-based approach to life, that is actually unbelief in the work God is doing in my heart. My fear to move forward in my career was based on leaning on my own ability to not become “that guy” again, rather than leaning on God’s strength and power to mold and shape my heart daily.  My decision and reluctance may appear noble, but it is nothing but reliance on self instead of the work of the cross in my life. That was a pretty sobering realization.

In his book, Counterfeit Gods, Tim Keller uses the context of human love to paint a striking picture of the way idolatry deceives our hearts:

If you are so afraid of love that you cannot have it, you are just as enslaved as those who must have it. If you are too afraid of love or too enamored with it, it has assumed God-like power, distorting your perceptions in your life.

Dang.

That’s real talk. While Keller may have been talking about human love, the same principle was certainly at work in my life as I went from being too enamored to being afraid in a matter of days.  Thinking that walking away was enough, I failed to see that living in fear of something is just as controlling and idolatrous as living in adulation of it.

I suppose the best way to sum up where I am right now is to say that after months of wondering what was next for me, running from the “monster”, trying to get jobs in anything BUT the music world, my heart has finally turned a pretty significant page.

I’m not afraid anymore.

So now you may be asking, what does that mean, exactly?

It means I have finally found a place of peace with regard to what my heart thought it had to have and what it then was terrified to have.
It means whether I ever have it again or not, I’m not afraid of having it.
It means I know what defines me and what doesn’t.
It means if I do ever have it again, I’m not afraid of IT having ME.
It means I am moving forward.

Does that mean I’m taking a job back in the music world?  I don’t know.  At this moment there aren’t any jobs on the table to talk about.  However, what it does mean is that whether I ever take another music job or not, I’m no longer afraid of what that might mean if it did happen.

If I believe 1 John 4:8…

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

… and if I believe Hebrews 12:6…

“The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

… then I have to believe that God allowed the bottom to fall out of my world because He loves me and wants to realign and awaken my heart to who He is.

In his book, Plan B, Pete Wilson says:

God will allow suffering, pain and crisis in order to detach hope from other things and attach it to himself.

That is 100% what has been happening in my life. Does that mean the struggle is over? Absolutely not. But it does mean I am more equipped to navigate the murky waters of my heart every single day that I wake up.

I’ve loved this song for a long time, but it has recently taken on even greater meaning in my life…

Israel Houghton - Moving Forward
You make all things new, and I will follow You forward…

Is there something in your life you need to move forward past?

 

What I Thought I Wanted, What I Got Instead

June 4, 2010 in Faith, Life with 81 Comments

After walking away from my career and spending months trying to figure out what was happening in my life, I finally got hired and started a new job 7 weeks ago.  I’m thankful to have this job, but I applied and interviewed for jobs that made MUCH more sense to me, but I did not get them.  What I have now is NOT the job I hoped for, but it is the job that hired me.  It was NOT what I wanted, but it is what I got instead.

Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

The past 7 weeks have been a bit of a blur and a series of one hard lesson after another.  On almost a daily basis I come face to face with the deep-seeded entitlement that has been wedged in my heart for years.

Entitlement… It’s “what I deserve”.

Lately I’ve been trying to dig deeper into why my heart has struggled so much through all this.  The truth is, I know exactly why: deep in my heart I think I’m better, think I deserve better and think I’ve earned the right to not have to work this kind of job at this point in my life. I’ve “been there” and “done that”.  How’s that for honesty?

The idolatry of what we think we deserve is a thief, robbing us of perspective and truth in the moments God uses to deepen our lives.

There have been moments over the past few weeks when I’ve had brief glimpses of revelation and lucidity (bonus points for use of “lucidity”), but for the most part I remain clueless about where my life is headed right now.  Some days I find myself being able to embrace the uncertainty of this season better than others, and some days my heart feels like it is in an absolute free fall. There are days when my heart is full of fear, simply because it is more prone to reach for ANYTHING other than God as an anchor and source of hope and security.

The other day I was hanging out with my friend Wes, who has quickly become a close friend of mine.  I was sharing (er, venting) with him about how I felt about what all is happening right now, and I said (in frustration), “THIS just isn’t where my life is right now!” As if to say, “at THIS point in my life I should have THIS job with THIS income, THIS life…”  Wes’ reply? “But Grant, this IS where your life is right now.”

……….

@#$%@*!

Reality check.

He was right. Regardless of how I feel about where I should or shouldn’t be at this point in my life, and regardless of the expectations I have formed in my own heart about where I feel I’m entitled to be at this point, you know what?  This is exactly where my life is right now, and being frustrated, stubborn and ungrateful isn’t going to change that.

I am learning that my entitlement makes me a slave to the expectations that exist only in my heart.

Sara Groves has a song called “What I Thought I Wanted” that beautifully underscores the heart of Proverbs 19:21.

Sara Groves - What I Thought I Wanted

I love the lyric where she says:

When I get to heaven I’m gonna go find Job
I want to ask a few hard questions, I want to know what he knows
About what it is he wanted and what he got instead
How to be broken and faithful

I am learning A LOT about my heart right now. I am learning things about myself that I don’t know if I would have ever learned had the bottom not fallen out.

I thought I wanted a job… but instead I am getting character
I thought I wanted a check… but instead I am getting change
I thought I wanted my story… but instead I am getting His

I often wonder if I would have had the opportunity to see this deeply into my heart had I gotten what I wanted.  But I didn’t, and here we are. It is painful, but it is purposeful. Though the bleeding persists, I am grateful for the wound.

So, what I thought I wanted, and what I got instead leaves me broken and grateful.

Are you grateful for what you got “instead”?

 
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