Tag Archive - Faith

My Story: The Next Chapter

September 9, 2010 in Faith, My Story with 52 Comments

I’ve been waiting to be able to share this news on the latest development in my life, and I’m so excited that I’m now able to!

I have accepted a position on staff at Cross Point Church here in Nashville and will be joining the Cross Point Family Ministries team in the role of FX Director.

FX is a Family Experience created to help connect kids and their parents with God’s Big Ideas together. Between our Live Experience once a month and our weekly Home Experience Tools, our passion is to provide the environments we all need to discover the Word of God as a family, together.

There are incredible teams of singers, musicians, actors, dancers, leaders, techs and more who work tirelessly throughout each month to make the FX Live Family Experience happen 5 times on 4 Cross Point campuses all in one morning once a month. That’s like, amazing!  I can’t wait to start digging in, dreaming and creating with these folks.  My first day on the job is this Sunday, September 12, which is also this month’s FX Live day! It’s going to be a great day!

I’m excited about this for many reasons. I’m excited to serve the families of Cross Point and be a conduit for God’s heart for strengthening and building the family. In my role as FX Director, I’ll be plugging in across the board, working closely with the Family Ministries leadership team and the FX teams at all 4 Cross Point campuses on production, content, leadership, programming, organizational, media, creative and other levels. So on one hand, it also feels amazing to once again have the opportunity to dive into something that engages so many different areas of my passions, experience and skill sets, many of which I thought I may have had to pack away and never tap into again. I also love that I’m going to get to do this and still co-lead and invest into the amazing STRETCH community group that is such a big part of my life and significant part of my story (more on that soon).

But perhaps the main reason I’m so excited and humbled by this opportunity may have less to do with the actual job than with what it actually represents for me, and that is not just resolution, but redemption.  If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you’re probably familiar with my story. This has been a year of gutting and rebuilding unlike anything I’ve ever experienced and there were a lot of painful times that I didn’t understand.  To be honest, I still don’t understand it all, but I’ll tell you what I do know: I am not the same person I was a year ago.

The more I have resigned my right to control, abandoned my entitled pursuit of the answers and chosen to surrender to the story God was writing with my life, my heart has changed.

I am grateful for every single broken moment over these past several months when I have felt like a failure… every single frustrated moment that I struggled to make sense of… every single breathless, uncertain moment when I had run out of words to say.

Those moments taught me what was in my heart.
Those moments taught me how to pry my fingers from around what I thought I deserved.
Those moments taught me how to live open handed.
Those moments taught me the value of living with the questions.
Those moments taught me that God was engaged in a passionate pursuit of my heart.

In every single one of those moments, I had a choice: to believe that my current situation was my destination or to believe that the real value of each moment was more about who I was becoming than where I was going.  It wasn’t ever without a struggle, but the more I chose the latter, the more my heart was able to exhale, release its grip on what I thought I had to have and who I thought I had to be, and the more perspective I had on what I was walking through.

God has used Cross Point and the community I’ve found there to heal my heart in so many ways.  In the relatively short time I’ve been at Cross Point I’ve had the opportunity to plug in and engage in what God is doing there on several levels and it has changed my life. Those of you who have walked closely with me over the last several months may understand this better than others, but after many months of waiting, hoping and wondering what was next, for THIS to be what was waiting for me, and to have the opportunity to invest with the Cross Point team in this way, is an incredibly redemptive chapter in my ever-evolving story in more ways than I can explain right now.

I have much more to write and share about all this, but for now I just want to say…

God is faithful…

and Let’s do this!

 

Waiting Well

August 27, 2010 in Faith with 16 Comments

Someone recently asked me, “what are you waiting for?”

My response: “that’s a loaded question.”

After I thought about it for a few seconds, I answered that I was waiting on “what’s next”, then admitted I just gave a very loaded answer in response to a very loaded question.

The truth is though, we’re all waiting on something. A birthday, finding our spouse, a holiday, graduation, first day of a new job, retirement, a career change, being in a relationship, a move, etc.

Some of you are waiting on something and you know when it’s coming. The baby is due November 18.  You’ll make your last student loan payment March 5, 2011. You’re leaving for the vacation you’re saved up for on October 5.  Some of you know. But some of you don’t. Some of you are waiting on something that there is no date attached to. Finding your spouse? Yeah, not so much. The tests finally coming back negative? Sure wish you knew. The day when your heart stops hurting from unexpected loss? Where do you put THAT on the calendar?

As for me, yes, I am waiting on “what’s next.” But while paydays, holidays and friend’s weddings are marked on my calendar, “what’s next” is nowhere to be found.

Hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. – Romans 8:24-25

I believe there is something very healthy about waiting and wrestling with an unrealized hope… something that is consistently just beyond our reach… something that keeps wonder alive in our heart… something that interjects intrigue into the most mundane of moments. While there is definitely a powerful life element to waiting without knowing, the truth is it can often be frustrating.

We spend so much time asking God “why”… “why don’t I have it”, “why hasn’t this changed”,”why am I still here”, “why don’t you fix it???”

Walking by faith and living with the questions is completely counter-intuitive to a culture that has every other answer they could ever want just one Google search away… every answer but THIS one… the one that won’t let you sleep at night.

I’ve come to believe that a significant part of prying the grip of frustration from around a heart in wait is learning to ask a different question.  If we could only begin to shift the focus from asking “why” of God to asking “how” of our own heart, we could begin to understand and unlock the power of waiting well.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking “why”. I just think it is often a fruitless, cyclical pursuit of answers that are not always ours for the having and doesn’t change the origin of the frustration. On the other hand, learning to square off with our own heart and continually evaluate “how” we are waiting could very well be a catalyst to heart change and deliverance from our own entitlement to know “why”.

Asking “why” probably won’t change the situation, but asking “how” will likely change ME.

A big part of waiting well is understanding the redemptive nature and character of God and realizing that He never wastes a season of your life. There is value and perspective to be extracted and juiced from every moment, if we will commit to the pursuit of it. Too often, we pass up the opportunity to find the life to be had in each moment and season we’re given and settle for worry, fear and complaining.

How do you wait?

Do you hope or complain?
Do you engage or isolate?
Are you thankful or bitter?
Is your heart expectant or jaded?
Does your heart trust or is it suspicious?

I often wish I were better at waiting well.  Some days I’ve got a better grip on it than others, but in my “waiting for what’s next” I don’t think I’ve waited too well this past week. Yet I continue to hold the feet of my heart to the flames and move toward, knowing that how I wait is more important than why I am waiting.

What are you waiting for? Do you wait well?

 

Stretch

August 16, 2010 in Community, Faith, Service with 11 Comments

In the fall of 2009, after reading Richard Stearns’ “The Hole In Our Gospel”, my friends Wes Howard and Ben Turner felt compelled to gather a group of 20/30-somethings together around the idea of being intentionally missional and living out the Gospel by actively serving the needs of others. That group started with 3 people last fall and currently stands at just over 140 who are regular/semi-regular attenders. I’ve skipped a lot of details for the sake of brevity, but suffice it to say something very unique has been happening in what we have affectionately called our “not so small” community group at Cross Point Church here in Nashville.  Essentially, people keep coming and keep getting connected.

The mission statement the group adopted earlier this year is:

“We are imperfect people, living inside our design, building enduring relationships with each other,actively serving the needs of others, and committing to grow deeper in love and faith with Christ.”

Within those 140+ people, there are 8 small groups that are made up of folks in their early-20′s to mid-30′s looking for an opportunity to connect and serve and to experience community in a whole new way. It is nothing short of amazing. This particular model is quite the anomaly as far as “small groups” go and was NOT by design, but very much just “happened” somewhere along the last several months.

For the past 7-8 months, our group has been officially called the “young professionals”, a somewhat nebulous name that wasn’t very clear as to exactly who we are as a group.  Several weeks ago, Wes, Ben and I began talking about the idea of giving the group an actual name that would help to define its actual identity and point to who we were. We landed on the name “Stretch”.  Here’s why…

A few of the definitions of the word ‘stretch’ are:

make great demands on the capacity or resources of
cause to make maximum use of talents or abilities
straighten or extend one’s body or a part of one’s body to it’s full length

The cool thing is, those things are happening within our group in a variety of ways, and it’s incredible to see.

Here’s what Stretch means to us as a group:

It speaks to our age group being very much in the “stretch” between life phases.
It points to the opportunity for your life be stretched and changed through service and community like never before.
It speaks to the growth that happens in the space between moving FROM one thing, TO another.
It says our group is not just the cool Sunday night hang, but something that will deepen your life and put new demands on your capacity for community, faith and service.
It speaks to creating capacity for your life in the “space between”

So last night marked a milestone and the beginning of a new chapter for our “not so small” community group as we officially renamed the group “Stretch”, cast the vision for what it meant, unveiled our new logo and showed this video we put together to communicate the concept even more.

It is such an honor to do life and serve next to Wes and Ben in co-leading this incredible group of people. God has done amazing things through us and every single bit of it has been in spite of us and not because of any of us, but because He has a greater purpose and agenda than any of us could accomplish on our own.  The folks in the group are incredible and are so hungry to build deep community and be the hands and feet of Christ.

In his message yesterday, Pete Wilson talked about how the Gospel challenges us to be not just recipients of grace, but agents of grace, and that the Gospel does not call for reflection, but rather action.  I was so excited to hear him say those things yesterday because they are so essential to the core of our DNA as “Stretch”, and should also be to the core DNA of the heart of everyone who calls themselves a follower of Christ.

I will be talking more about Stretch in the coming weeks and months, but I wanted to take a moment to share this with you all here on my blog. I hope the “Stretch” concept resonates with you and challenges you to consider ways in your own life that you could stretch and create capacity for God to work in new and greater ways in your life. You’ll never be the same.

How does the Stretch concept apply to your life right now?

 

The Space Between

August 10, 2010 in Faith with 15 Comments

For some reason, I’ve been having the worst time trying to get my thoughts out as words on my screen lately. It seems like every time I set aside some time to write, I hit all kinds of walls. Not sure what that’s about, but it’s kind of frustrating. So this morning, I didn’t try to write. Instead, I read.

After a conversation with a friend about life, transition and fear last night, I woke up this morning praying for them and reading the account in Matthew 14 where Jesus called Peter to step out of the boat and walk on water.

On one hand the story starts in verse 22 when Jesus told the disciples to go get in the boat and go “to the other side.” However, greater context would reveal that this happened immediately after one of Jesus’ greatest miracles, where he fed the multitudes with just 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. Right after Jesus’ boys witnessed and experienced this amazing display of His power and provision, He told them to go somewhere else. It’s important for me to understand that they didn’t just witness this happen, but I’m sure they got them a fish sandwich, too. Yes they saw, but they also ate.  Part of what He did hit their eyes, part of it hit their belly. Part of it encouraged them, part of it nourished them. Then Jesus said, “go”, while He went somewhere else.

In verse 22 He tells them to go, but by verse 24 we find the disciples in the boat “a long way from the land, beaten by the waves.” Yeah, in the span of 2 verses. Verse 23 tells us that after Jesus dismissed the crowds, He went to pray in the mountains, alone. But what it DOESN’T tell us is the progression from the disciples first stepping in the boat to “a long way from the land.” Next thing we know, it’s all “beaten by the waves!”

With how my mind works and processes context and story, I can’t help but wonder: what happened in the middle?  When did the water first start to get choppy? Did they think, “sho’ do wish we could go back and have another fish sandwich!”? What was their response as the storm escalated? Did they wonder where Jesus was?  Did they think He had left them? Did they feel abandoned?  Sure, they had just seen Jesus, and were sure they would see Him again, but where was He right now… in the middle?

Of course we all know the part of the story where Jesus finally did appear and called for Peter to step out of the boat and come to him, which would mean walking on water. I’ve heard a lot of people talk about how Peter was so brave for stepping out of the boat while all those other jokers sat there, and how the boat represents a place of comfort and that Peter was the only one willing to risk his comfort to pursue Jesus in that moment. I think there’s some validity to some of that, but let’s be honest here… there was a freaking storm happening! The boat was ANYTHING but comfortable.

I’m more inclined to see the shore as the place of comfort in this story. Sure, there was a vital lesson in faith and trust learned in the midst of the storm, but I wonder if we miss understanding that Peter could have never walked on stormy waters while still on the shore. The boat brought him to a moment and positioned him to experience a greater level of trust in Jesus. He had no clue what would happen next, only that he heard and saw Jesus.  I have come to understand how God works and shapes our heart in the space between… the space between miracles… the space between shores… the space between life seasons… the space between answers… the space between what you know and where you’ll go.

I have experienced this first hand many times in my life.

In those “space between” moments, I have often been afraid, but I have never been unchanged.

As I have previously observed about transitions, they are often uncertain and exhausting, breathless and exhilarating all at the same time.  I believe the fear that we often fight is actually meant to be fuel for our faith.  The space between may find you reaching and wondering, hoping and grasping, but it will never leave you the same.

What have you learned in the “space between” times in your life?

 

Belief, Emersion & Stretchy Pants

July 20, 2010 in Faith, My Story with 16 Comments

Sunday I made a decision I had been wrestling with for awhile.

Back story: I was baptized at the age of 11, during a revival at the church I grew up in.  All the kids around my age were getting baptized and “saved” (which brings up theological issues that I don’t have the desire or patience to unpack here) around this time.  While I don’t necessarily question my 11-year old sincerity at the time, I have often questioned my understanding of what exactly it was that I was doing.  I had been in church all of my short 11 years and while I knew “church” very well and had been inundated with all degrees of religiosity, legalism and opinions and personal preferences sold as “doctrine”, I know for a fact that I did not know or “get” the Gospel.

In the denomination I grew up in, salvation wasn’t presented as by grace, through faith (Ephesians 2:8) in Christ ALONE, but rather it was sold as a proverbial “get out of hell, free” card.  The salvation I grew up understanding and embracing wasn’t based on the cross, but rather on my ability to follow the formula, be good enough and adhere to enough rules that I would be acceptable to God which, from my experience, resulted in a whole lot of arrogance, self-righteousness and spiritual pride. THAT’S certainly not going to be a popular statement, but it is my story, nonetheless.

Looking back over my journey in the 23 years or so since then, I’ve gotten a lot of perspective and had a lot of time to think about what all that meant.  Do I believe that I was “saved” to the greatest extent of my ignorance at that time? Yes. Do I still hold that experience as being sufficient and definitive of what it means to be a Christ follower in my life today? No.

A few months ago, someone asked me a question that is not all that uncommon in Christian circles, especially when you’re first getting to know someone.

“How long have you been a believer?”

My reply: “that’s a loaded question.” At that time, I was right in the middle of this whole season where Jesus was showing me my heart and subsequently wrecking it.  Through a series of events which I have discussed quite candidly here, as well as some I haven’t talked about yet, my life had been wrecked and I understood, quite possibly for the first time in my life, exactly why I needed a savior.  When I was asked that question, I realized that on one hand I had been a believer since 11 years old, but on another hand, and more importantly, perhaps only a few months.  Over the course of the previous few months, the Gospel had dawned on me and I understood it in a way I never had before.  Sure, I had “believed”, but NEVER like this. I realized that Christ’s goal wasn’t for me to stop going to the movies, wearing shorts or listening to rock music (don’t get me started), but rather to intentionally, passionately, relentlessly apprehend my heart.

Last week, Pete Wilson sent a tweet that said:

The pain of self-awareness can be the beginning of spiritual transformation. Stop dodging yourself.

If ever there was a statement to encapsulate the past several years of my life, it was that one.  All the painful and heart-wrenching months that had led up to right now were also transforming me in ways I could see and some I can’t yet. And yes, I had been religiously and methodically dodging coming face to face with myself for so long.  When it finally happened, it undid and changed me.

All of that leads up to the present. For the past couple months I’ve been contemplating and wrestling with the idea of getting baptized again.  I wanted to do it to mark this particular moment of my life in a public way and to say to God, “I am doing THIS, with understanding and gratitude of what You did and are doing.”  So why was I wrestling with it?  It’s simple. Pride. I was so afraid of what people might think, possibly not knowing my story, wondering why I’m JUST getting baptized, etc. I mean, SURELY, by 35 years old… I’ve already done THAT! God forbid anyone think I’m not who they perceived me to be!!! #pridesucks #faithfail

I wrestled with it for weeks, discussed it with some close friends but eventually talked myself out of it, though in my heart I knew I really wanted to do it. I knew that Baptism Sunday was coming up at Cross Point, but I just couldn’t bring myself to commit and follow through.  I woke up this past Sunday morning a little upset with myself that I couldn’t seem to move forward past this stupid pride and fear and just do it.

As I was sitting in the 10am service, Blake Bergstrom brought a powerful message about the love of the Father, His passionate pursuit of our heart and jealousy for our affection… a theme I’ve recently been stuck on and blogged about.  As the message ended, the worship team started to lead “How He Loves”. As soon as I heard them sing “He is jealous for me…”, I broke and knew today was the day.  While I stood there and worshipped God, watching others be baptized, I decided that I would kick the pride and just do it. TODAY.

After the 10am service I shared with Blake what I wanted to do and why. I stayed for the 11:30 service and when it was time, I took the step, moved past my fear and stepped into the water with an understanding of what this meant and was baptized.  I am proud to say that no stretchy pants were used in my baptism.

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. (Romans 6:4)

I did it for me. I did it for my heart. I did it to publicly identify myself with the death and resurrection of Christ and what that means in my life every single day.

What is your fear or pride holding you back from?

 
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