Today’s guest post is from Kenny Silva. In addition to being a close, trusted friend, Kenny is a Nashville-area realtor who is also passionate about leadership coaching and development. You can learn more about Kenny on his blog and follow him on Twitter.
One day, I happened upon an apple tree in my back yard. Unfortunately, there were no apples on it. This was a shame as I’m sure it had the potential to produce some beautiful, wonderful apples. I wanted so desperately for that to happen, so I committed myself to making it grow those apples.
First, I went out and bought an apple tree manual. In that book, I found every bit of information about what makes an apple tree great. I thoroughly searched out every instruction on cultivating the ‘ideal’ apple tree. I trimmed the failing branches and pruned the ugly leaves, just like the book said.
Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of a significant moment in my story. One year ago yesterday was my first day on my then new job at Starbucks. The morning after my first day, I was overwhelmed, afraid and clueless as to what was happening in my life. That morning I wrote a blog post called “Learning How To Die.” I know, dramatic, huh?
But it was real, and I was learning how to die… to who I had become.
A couple weeks ago at Cross Point, during his message about the dangers of Leaving God Out of marital relationships, Pete Wilson made the following statement:
If you constantly feel the need to tell your family you’re the spiritual leader of your house, you’re probably not.
BAM. Go ahead. Pick yourself up off the floor and read that again. I’ll wait.
I can relate to that statement in a very personal way that it wouldn’t be wise for me to go into right now. Just suffice it to say, I know that statement to be all too true.
But it’s not just about being a spiritual leader in your home, it applies to a lot of things.
If you constantly feel the need to tell people you’re…
an influencer…
an innovator…
a leader...
etc…
… you’re probably not.
The people I know who are truly influencing, innovating, leading, etc, are typically too busy actually influencing, innovating and leading to stop and identify themselves as such. Truth is, there is much more to being a leader, an influencer, et al than simply calling yourself one. The “be called a leader” line is long, while the “actually BE a leader” line is much shorter. A lot of people want the title, while far fewer are willing to commit to the work. The grind is the grand differentiator.
Along similar lines, lately I’ve been thinking about how there seems to be an unending litany of resources aiming to tell us what things ARE. Books, blogs and bold headlines shout from newsstands and our computer screens at every turn, touting the secrets of “what leadership is”, “the truth of innovation” or “flexing your influence”.
Far more rare are the cautionary, but equally vital, voices that whisper things like, “don’t do that”. In my experience, along with every lesson I have and am constantly learning about what something like leadership IS, comes with it other, often more subtle, less-obtrusive and easily glossed-over lessons about what it ISN’T.
Many love to bask in the glory of the win, but I want to hear more chronicles of lessons from the loss. Most opportunities to learn and grow don’t come from the win, anyway. They come from disappointment, confession and humility; from watching game tapes and going back to the drawing board. There is often more perspective, truth and wisdom to be gleaned from a loss than a win. As such, sometimes winning looks like losing.
Wins may exalt you, but losses shape you.
I need more of those voices in my life… balanced and seasoned voices from the sidelines, coaching me to embrace the reality of what something isn’t just as much as what it is…. voices from just outside the winner’s circle whose limping stride is a character receipt… voices that might still tremble when recounting their stories of recklessness, recovery and redemption… voices that exhort and refuse to let me settle for simply being called a leader without fully engaging my heart in what it means to actually lead.
Do you have any “what it isn’t” moments or voices in your life that have shaped you?
One part of my story that I don’t really talk much about but was undoubtedly a strong formative season for me is when I was given the opportunity to work with Kirk Franklin.
In 2004 I was working for EMI Music in Nashville when I received a call from Kirk in August of that year. It took me by surprise and I remember calling him “sir” and “Mr. Franklin”. My friend and colleague of 6 years, Carla, had gone to work with him and had told him about me. We spoke for awhile and told me he was starting his new company, Fo Yo Soul Entertainment, and said he would be honored if I would consider moving to Dallas to work with (never “for”, always “with”) him.
I was in shock.
I had been a long-time fan of Gospel music, and certainly of Kirk’s music. After reading about him in Billboard Magazine in 1993, I remember having to special order his first album, Kirk Franklin & The Family, at my local Musicland store in Joplin, Missouri because they didn’t carry it. I had absolutely no idea that one day I would have the opportunity to work with him.
So, back to 2004. I did pray about it, and think a lot about it, but there was no doubt in my mind that this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I had to accept his offer and take this leap. Though I had just settled in my heart that Nashville is where I wanted to be and call “home”, I accepted the job, stepped out of my fresh comfort zone and embraced change as I packed up all my stuff and moved to Dallas 3 days before Christmas in 2004.
I spent the next 3 years working closely with Kirk, serving in a wide variety of roles. I’m very thankful for every single moment and experience I had there. I have many incredible memories from that season of my life and someday I may write more about some of the great things I got to be a part of while working with him.
There are probably 2 things that will forever stand out to me about that season: 1) Kirk’s character and 2) the songs.
Toward the end of last year, after having walked through the most difficult year of my life, I called Kirk to thank him for his example of Godly character and to let him know that I didn’t even realize how much of an impact the way he lived his life had on me until this year. Sure, it was a killer job, but I didn’t realize the depth of the spiritual deposit or character development that was taking place during that season until just recently. It shaped me in more ways than I realized. Kirk is the real deal. He is a man of God and I am honored to be able to call him my friend.
And then there’s the songs… Good Lord, the songs!
His 2005 album Herois one of my favorites and I feel a very close personal connection to that particular body of work, having watched it being birthed via much prayer and honesty, melody concepts and lyric ideas all the way to seeing hundreds of thousands of people connect with the songs literally all over the world.
I’ll never forget the first time Kirk shared his idea for “Imagine Me” with us, just sitting at a piano at his house. I literally cried. The following year I stood on the side of the stage, under an open sky as Kirk performed in the Tafawa Balewa Square in Lagos, Nigeria and watched over 100,000 Nigerians sing “gone, gone, all gone!” at the top of their lungs at 4am. It still gives me chills when I think about it.
Speaking of songs, Kirk has a brand new single out, called “I Smile”, and I absolutely love it! It’s from his forthcoming album, “Hello, Fear”, which is a concept album about facing your fears with hope and courage. Having seen first-hand the way Kirk wrestles with God over songs, in prayer and faith… I know the new album will be nothing short of amazing and will impact many people all over the world for the glory of God.
Smile, It’s so hard to look up when you’ve been down
Sure would hate to see you give up now
You look so much better when you so smile
So, smile
Reminds me of this…
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. – James 1:2-4
Listening to “I Smile” brings back a lot of great memories for me, encourages me and yeah, it makes me… smile. You can buy the “I Smile” single now, and “Hello, Fear” will be released March 22.
What do you think about Kirk’s new song “I Smile”? What song makes you smile?
