What I Thought I Wanted, What I Got Instead

Wow! I'm speechless. This truly speaks to where I am in life right now. <3 thank you

This is good. It's funny how some people battle with a sense of entitlement and others battle with a sense of unworthiness, being grateful for what that have, but not accepting the promises of God because of the shame of their past. Two opposite ends but the journey is still the same. God will put you in place that you never expected so that He can show you the truth... and the same scripture still applies. What is even more complex is that I went through both the entitlement and unworthiness. I thank God for change.

I know what I thought and insisted I wanted.......... AND I AM EXCITED ABOUT WHAT I GOT INSTEAD!!! because it changed my life.

I really enjoyed reading your post. It has definitely spoken to me and I am thankful I found it (and thankful you wrote it). Have bookmarked you and will be back again
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now that i've directed quite a few people from my world to your blog, i've found myself more hesitant to comment. weird huh.
this week i was tempted to go back to what i thought i wanted... big time. i made it through the itch without scratching and ended up celebrating the "what I got instead" part. but it was tough. really tough. and my celebration was half-assed until 3/4 of the way in. because it hit me... i may have lost what i thought i wanted, but the truth is "what i get instead" is still in development and by the grace of God it continues to grow and develop. I don't know if i even make sense. all i know is that i found contentment with a picture that is very different than what i had hoped for and i have found it evolving daily. possibilities seem a lot more exciting than compromises;)
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Thank you for being so honest and open Grant. I am slowly learning job titles and bank accounts/things are not what are important in this life but instead it is relationships with people. But when we live in a nation that values these things it makes it difficult to accept that riches are not the tangible items in our lives.
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wow . this opened up some unhealed wounds. about 9 months ago, i was "let go" from a staff position at the church we attended for almost 8 years. i was like...WTF. i've been around the block and had no desire to work at sbux or some other "starter" job. I got a family.

once i got over myself and moved on, i was set for new opportunities. never did find a job, just started a company with my brother and a couple other guys. it was scary as %$&^%$!

one thing i realized...it's not about achieving some ridiculous goal...it's about the journey. i began to just enjoy and appreciate the journey.

grant, thanks for being open. you are the man.
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Powerful blog man. I found myself in the same situation a few years ago, but could have never put it into words as expressly as you have. Thanks for sharing.

beautiful. thank you, thank you for being honest & raw about your journey so far. as i'm gearing up to graduate college next may & am evaluating where i am as opposed to where i expected/wanted to be, i will keep these words close by to remind me to be grateful for my "instead". :)
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Thanx so much for this, Grant! There are days when I question why I am where I am in life...like earlier today...thank you for this perspective. I forget sometimes that God has to teach me certain things in a certain way in order to get the desired response...

I think I know what broken and faithful looks like. It is a daily struggle to achieve the balance.

Wow. Seriously, wow. This whole process started for me in high school when I thought I wanted (more than anything) to go to the Naval Academy... instead, I got accepted and ended up going to Clemson (where I did NOT want to go). But, as it turns out, God knew what He was doing. I thought I wanted to major in Mechanical Engineering, but what I got instead was a degree in French. I mean, really? Yes, really. And there is a super long list that I could continue with... But just those two things alone, Clemson and French, have taken me down a path that I never would have dreamed of and it's been an incredible journey. Because it's one that God mapped out. Love this post. Love this perspective. Love the God that's guiding this crazy adventure called life.

Really enjoying your blog G (is it really accurate to call it a "blog" at this point...seems like a different term is needed here) and this post in particular. Making me think about where I am and where I thought I would be. I'm not, ahem, the world's most introspective person so I really appreciate your insights and observations as a checkpoint to think about my journey.

I'm back because I heard a song and thought maybe an encouragement to you too? It's "While I'm waiting" by John Waller. Maybe you know it already. Bye.

I appreciate it, Elizabeth.

Grant, I cannot tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. You have such a wonderful way with words and I love that I can almost always completely relate to the things you write about. I must say this post is particularly thought-provoking.
In answer to your question: Are you grateful for what you got instead?...
I could write a book in response to this question, but the short answer is YES.
I wanted {and idolized the idea of} a perfect marriage. What I got instead was a HARD marriage that has brought me blessings I never imagined. It's taught me lessons and discplines that a "perfect" marriage never could.
A hard marriage has forced me to develop a stronger, more consistent prayer life. It has exposed my selfishness. It has taught me patience and how to love like Christ. When my husband and I choose to work through our differences by seeking direction from God INSTEAD of giving up and walking out, we are giving others hope for their own hard marriages. The list goes on and on :)

i can so relate. sounds like we are in similar places. and some days it's wonderful and some days i feel like i've lost my way entirely and am wandering around on some deserted road in the middle of nowhere. both feelings are reality........

everyday it's a choice. what do i embrace? and everyday i fail at embracing the right thing.......

God help me grow up to be like you!

I understand this season. I was a housekeeper and then a concierge in Florida and extremely miserable. I kept thinking: "I had a friggin' morning show! Now I'm cleaning toilets?!" A pastor friend of mine gently reminded me after I used the analogy that I was in Egypt and wandering through the desert, that Egypt actually resides in our hearts and we constantly need to drive it out of us.

What I got out of that time? My forgotten reminder that God owes me absolutely nothing.

Flash forward to today, He not only gave me my dream job, but so much more than I ever dreamed of.

This season of yours is a story just waiting to happen! Can't wait for the next chapter.

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Ha! Eventually yes, but at the time I wasn't. I've been there. Worked at a place and branch I didn't want to. But He kept telling me to serve there. It was the hardest time I've experienced but I can say now it was worth it. Not only for me but also for my non-believing colleagues who saw a bit of Jesus. There was darkness and filth, I disgusted really I wanted to run away, but He showed me last year His light was shining there. My former colleagues are changed. One of them even accepted Jesus and two of them are asking questions. I've left the company. God made me stay and trust in Him while the projects stopped and they had to fire me and pay me a big amount of money. Now I'm again "waiting" for Him to move. I'm looking for a job but no luck so far. I don't know what He is in plan for me but I know everything He does has a reason. Also these days are for a reason. There are people in the Bible who had to wait many years but when they stayed faitful to Him He did big things through them and they inspire us today too. I know now He's making me stronger and teach me to rely on Him even more than I did before. It's frightening but it's a check of my heart every week. Because He has been there for me when life was good and He was there when life was tough and He will be there again for me today and tomorrow and forever. He is God and knows best. But there are days I feel the same as you. By the way there is no bad job or unworthy tasks in His eyes. You can be a witness at your work. Maybe people never see a kind person at your work, you could show kindness. I'm just saying, I don't know. He always uses us if we let Him. A good post, thanks for sharing. Praying for you.

What do you do that you know all these Great Songs?!?!?!?! Its hard to be honest with ourselves sometimes.But you are exactly where God wants you and it will only get better. :)

love love love this... ok 2 things

i am struggling from the OPPOSITE perspective... all of my prayers have been answered. I'm exactly where I prayed i would be. Now I'm wondering, did I pray too small? Were God's dreams bigger than my dreams?

I am learning... when God writes your story, whether you are a street sweeper or a CEO... If He is writing it... it is destined to be awesome... I promise:)
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so I just wrote out this well thought out comment and it disappeared! Anyway, to try to retrace my steps:

1. I'm so grateful God has placed you and your blog in my path. You are articulating everything that I am dealing with in my own life in this season adn it's so helpful!

2. I am striving to get my blog on your level! The way you write and present your material is so engaging. Keep it up!
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As a former Starbucks worker (1.5 years in college, .5 year after while job searching & 2.5 years at 23 after quitting the career I thought I was called to do) I can tell you it is a great place to be while you are examining life and looking for your next steps. After quitting my counseling job and sitting in a place of "what now God???" I met some of the most amazing people, who offered insight and guidance as I tried to figure out where I was meant to be. I know other Bucks workers who have had similar experiences. There is now even a book about it "How Starbucks Saved My Life" ( you can buy it on Amazon for $4.68 and preview it on Google Books).

I am most certainly not where I thought I would be. I have neither the counseling job for troubled teens I felt I was meant to do nor the Marketing job I thought was the right choice after that. For right now, I love working with these kids and while I am here I am learning an important lesson of having boundaries and putting myself first (or my job would swallow up my life). I have no idea what I will do when the kids are in school and I am no longer needed all day every day. I would like to hope that I will be married and having my own kid(s) to care for, but that isn't up to me. I know that when the time comes I hope to see what my next step is meant to be.

First, this is a top notch, kick ass posting. (Can I say kick ass on your blog?)

Now, to answer your question "Are you grateful for what you got u00e2u0080u009cinsteadu00e2u0080u009d?" No. I'm not. If I'm being honest I pretty much hate it. I hate not being able to serve in full time ministry like I did before my addiction came to light. I hate that I have small talents to write or speak or perform dramas & improv and no place to use them. I hate having to work ten hours a day just to barely pay bills and every time I've tried to get another job to help ease the stress it falls apart. I'm tired of God teaching me one lesson after another after another with no real idea why He keeps kicking the crap out of me.

I'm tired of dreading the next thing God does because I don't want to get hurt again. I'm tired of feeling the sense of dread that tells me my first thought from God is not a loving father who gives gifts to their children but a stern disciplinarian that keeps wailing away on me with one struggle after another.

I'm tired of the pride that I know even after ten years of lesson after lesson is still there. I'm tired of these desires within me to do things that just won't go away no matter how hard I pray for them to go. I'm tired of feeling like it's almost useless for me to try and change anymore because it's not going to matter or that it's futile to try and fight any longer.

Other than that, I'm pretty grateful.

Sarcasm on that line aside, I'm grateful for the things I have because I know things could be a whole lot worse than they are right now.

Now...sorry you asked the question for public comment? ;)
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Right on Grant. Thanks for this beautiful, poignant reflection on how God gives us what we need, not what we want. Peace, brother.

Wow... amazing post. Thanks so much for your transparency. I can identify with much of this. My parents also divorced 8 years ago, but instead of avoiding relationship, I put the (wrong) relationship I was in at the time on the fast track to marriage. (Trying to show my parents I didn't need "our" family, I'd just make my own)... very, very long story short, my husband filed for divorce in November, we divorced 3 days before Christmas, I spent 4 months re-grouping with some lovely friends in Illinois, trying to figure out the "What Next" in my life...and in March God began calling me to Nashville. I still don't really know WHY, but I do know this: I have learned through all of this that the most precious things in my life aren't THINGS. I have learned that God is faithful. That He still speaks. And for once in my life, I'm not worried about what is next.

Anyway... thank you again, you were able to express much of what I have been unable to put into words so far. I know I just need to sit down and write it out. So thanks for maybe prompting me to do just that.

I was with you until you posted song lyrics. Haha. Just kidding. You know, I only know your life as it is now. I didn't know the monetary successful Grant. Bro, I love this Grant. You give me so much encouragement and have taught me a lot so far through your story. Don't ever change dude.

So many can relate to this, Grant ... I know because I'm one of them. I went through a season where I kept saying/thinking/griping "I didn't sign up for this." I went into ministry because I felt called, nudged and pulled there. I naively thought it would be all sunshine and yet, this is the place I've experienced the most storms. I wrote a song called "I Need to Be" and it's about trusting God's plan. I often live as if I never wrote those words. Thansk for the reminder that I'm right where I need to be. So grateful you are sharing your journey - Bless You!
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